Golden Globe Predictions: The 7th Annual Sacred Wall Beat The Guru Competition

Well, everyone, it’s finally time. Awards season is upon us, and that means it’s time for the year’s drunkest, stupidest awards show: the 81st Golden Globes. Despite a decent show last year, the Globes hit an all-time low ratings-wise, and NBC finally cut ties with them. This resulted in two changes to this year’s ceremony: first, they are now hosted by CBS, home of the worst shows that inexplicably have the highest ratings due to old people falling asleep during 60 Minutes. And second, there are two new categories, each stupider than the last. We’ll get to those, however.

But while some things have changed with tonight’s Jo Koy-hosted ceremony, some things stay the same. I’m talking, of course, about the 7th Annual Sacred Wall Beat The Guru Golden Globes Predictions! That’s right, the most heated rivalry in all of competitive competition is back, as my good friend, protége, and archrival Lena Hagedorn is back to make me look like a fool to all my readership. It’s a competition dating back almost a full decade (oh my God), when this woman of the proletariat pulled off the upset heard round the world and beat me at my own game. Our rivalry remains all tied up at the moment, standing at 3-3-2, meaning this is my chance to claim the title and stop playing catchup for the first time in our history.

Now, Lena is currently out of town on vacation, so her write-ups are fairly short this year. She simply wishes to extend her support for her beloved Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (I’m assuming she means her dog, as she didn’t pick the show in any categories) and Barbie. So with no new news from my bitterest of enemies (still love you, buddy), it’s time to kick off our battle of Book Smarts and Street Smarts, Master and Apprentice, Barbie and Oppenheimer (I’m Barbie), and see just what our predictions hold for this year’s Golden Globes.

Film

Best Drama Film

Travis: Let’s start with the big boys, shall we? Best Drama Film. And boy are there some heavy hitters here. Everything from the quiet reflection of Past Lives and The Zone of Interest to the masturbatory Maestro. Honestly, despite the quality of this category, this is mostly a two-way race between Christopher Nolan and Martin Scorsese. Now, Killers of the Flower Moon is the more impressive achievement, there’s no denying it. But the Globes have an interesting track record: they love to nominate Scorsese, but he rarely ever wins. So I’m going with the blockbuster, most-talked-about film of the year: expect Oppenheimer to win Best Drama Film.
Prediction: Oppenheimer

Lena: Killers of the Flower Moon

Best Musical/Comedy Film

Travis: Best Musical or Comedy Film is possibly the easiest category, despite having the strongest competition. I mean, sure, the clever American Fiction, the edgy Poor Things, or even the simple The Holdovers could win. But expect Barbenheimer to win out. This one’s going to be Barbie in the bag.
Prediction: Barbie

Lena: Barbie

Best Actor In A Drama Film

Travis: Alright, here’s where things start to get annoying. Best Actor in a Drama Film always has some of the year’s best performances before the award goes to an actor in bad makeup going way too hard on his impression (not you, Austin Butler, my sweet baby). Using this rationalization, we can cut subtlety like Cillian Murphy or Andrew Scott. Also gone are gutsy big swings, like Barry Keoghan or Leonardo DiCaprio. This leaves Colman Domingo and Bradley Cooper, and between the size of the stars and the scope of the projects, it’s clear which one has the edge. Expect Cooper to take this one or go insane.
Prediction: Bradley Cooper – Maestro

Lena: Bradley Cooper – Maestro

Best Actress In A Drama Film

Travis: Best Actress is a little tougher, as the competition is a bit stiffer between “Cooper and everyone else.” I’d say it’s a three-way race, with one potential spoiler. You can cut Bening and Spaeny off the bat, and while Greta Lee is that potential spoiler, I’d also say her odds aren’t as strong either. This leaves Mulligan, Gladstone, and Hüller. I’m very nervous about a Hüller upset, but foreign language films rarely fare well here. This leaves Lily Gladstone and Carey Mulligan. Gladstone has the stronger narrative, and I think the odds are very good for her at the Oscars in two months. But this is the Globes, and they love a) bigger names, and b) flashier roles. Look for Mulligan to eke this one out in a nailbiter.
Prediction: Carey Mulligan – Maestro

Lena: Lily Gladstone – Killers of the Flower Moon

Best Actor In A Musical/Comedy Film

Travis: Well this is pretty much a two-way race. Cut every name except for Paul Giamatti and Jeffrey Wright, the two likely to be in the Oscar hunt in the coming weeks (Joaquin Phoenix and Nicolas Cage are just happy to be here). After that, it’s a matter of which role is more flashier to the HFPA. Which stuffy intellectual are they going to look to for the win? My guess is Giamatti – they clearly love The Holdovers, and that film hinges on how great the character actor is in the role. Expect him to win another close category.
Prediction: Paul Giamatti – The Holdovers

Lena: Jeffrey Wright – American Fiction

Best Actress In A Musical/Comedy Film

Travis: Don’t think about this one too hard. Unless Barbie sweeps, the Globes’ love for Emma Stone will give Poor Things one of its few wins for the night. No one, not Margot Robbie, not Natalie Portman, not Fantasia Barrino, is going to stop this win.
Prediction: Emma Stone – Poor Things

Lena: Emma Stone – Poor Things

Best Supporting Actor in a Film

Travis: This is an easy category to overthink. After all, there is a case to be made for Ryan Gosling, Charles Melton, Robert Downey Jr., and Mark Ruffalo. Ruffalo is very good in Poor Things, and a win for him could mean big things for Yorgos’ sci-fi satire. The Globes also love to be first, and Melton could launch a historic campaign with a win here. And considering Downey Jr.’s close ties with the Globes (they were one of the first ones to welcome him back post-addiction, he’s a frequent presenter and multiple-time winner, etc.), he could easily begin his big post-Marvel awards campaign with this one. But the Globes love comedy, and they love Barbie. And few performances all year were as memorable as Gosling as Ken. Expect him to earn his first big win here before the bloodbath of the season to come.
Prediction: Ryan Gosling – Barbie

Lena: Ryan Gosling – Barbie

Best Supporting Actress in a Film

Travis: Some Globes categories are what I like to call “overthinkers.” The most logical prediction seems too easy for the Globes, and therefore you talk yourself out of the easy selection. This is one of those categories. Da’Vine Joy Randolph has just become one of the rare performers to sweep the critical awards, which is almost a guarantee of Oscar glory. It makes sense that she would win here as well. But the Globes hate newcomers in the film categories, and it feels very easy for someone like Emily Blunt or Julianne Moore to sneak in. But I fall for the “overthinker” every year, and this time, I’m not taking the bait. Expect Randolph to take home this award.
Prediction: Da’Vine Joy Randolph – The Holdovers

Lena: Da’Vine Joy Randolph – The Holdovers

Best Director

Travis: Potentially the hardest category of the night, this is the only real time Barbenheimer will go head to head (there’s no real competition in Box Office Achievement or Screenplay). Forget all the other nominees, this is Christopher Nolan vs. Greta Gerwig. There is a world where Barbie sweeps and becomes the winningest film in Globes history. And in that world, it is obvious that Gerwig deserves that Best Director statue. But I think it is far more likely that Nolan wins here, as a testament for making a 3-hour drama into a billion-dollar blockbuster. Expect this to be one of Oppy’s big wins of the night.
Prediction: Christopher Nolan – Oppenheimer

Lena: Greta Gerwig – Barbie

Best Screenplay

Travis: This one’s most likely a three-way race – two if you write off the smaller drama. I’m talking, of course, about Barbie, Past Lives, and Poor Things. Lives is a little too small for this category – the Globes prefer bigger, more quotable screenplays. So that leaves Barbie and Poor Things. If I’m being honest, I think Barbie’s got to be the frontrunner here, and it is very hard not to pick it to win (especially because otherwise Gerwig goes home empty-handed). But I don’t think the Globes will want to let Poor Things go unrewarded, and with a script that smart, it feels hard to ignore. Expect Poor Things to edge out the win.
Prediction: Poor Things

Lena: Past Lives

Best Original Score

Travis: Another kinda easy category. I mean, sure, the Globes are more likely to reward artsier works like The Boy and the Heron or The Zone of Interest. But with Barbie’s score overpowered by that soundtrack (more on that in a minute), look for this to be one of Oppenheimer’s few opportunities to edge out its comedic competition.
Prediction: Oppenheimer

Lena: Oppenheimer

Best Original Song

Travis: Quite frankly, this is more a question of “Which Barbie song will it be?” “Peaches” is too fluffy, the Rustin song barely registers, and no one even knows that Bruce Springsteen wrote a song this year. No, this is between the Barbie soundtrack – and really, it’s only two, as “Dance The Night” is more a throwaway than a full song. So it’s the poignant “What Was I Made For?” by Billie Eilish or the miraculously catchy “I’m Just Ken.” I strongly prefer the latter, but the star-humping Globes will pick the celebrity every time.
Prediction: “What Was I Made For?” – Barbie

Lena: (At this point in her notes, Lena indicated that she had begun to sing) I’M JUST KEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWHERE ELSE I’D BE A TEN…
Prediction: “I’m Just Ken” – Barbie

Best Animated Film

Travis: You know, for a bad year for animation, this somehow emerged as the best field of the bunch. All of these films have some semblance of merit. But ultimately, this is a race between the best Japanese animation has to offer and the best American animation has to offer. That is to say, The Boy and the Heron and Spider-Man. Spider-Man certainly has some advantages, given its box office and name recognition. But it’s hard to bet against Miyazaki, especially at his best. I give the edge to The Boy and the Heron.
Prediction: The Boy and the Heron

Lena: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

Best Non-English Language Film

Travis: Also a terrific field of nominees. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if any of these films win – they clearly love Fallen Leaves and The Zone of Interest and…wait, why is Past Lives here? Godd*mmit, Globes. Anyway, all of these films could win and it wouldn’t be a surprise. But there’s nothing the Globes love more than embarrassing the Academy when they f*ck up in this category. So expect massive hit Anatomy of a Fall (also nominated for Best Drama Film) to eek out a win.
Prediction: Anatomy of a Fall

Lena: Anatomy of a Fall

Cinematic and Box Office Achievement

Travis: Sigh. This is the first of two ridiculous categories the Globes added to flail for relevancy. What are the praising here? Cinematic achievements or box office achievements? Those aren’t always the same thing. And how is a cinematic achievement different from “best?” It’s possible they use this to pad Oppenheimer or Barbie’s stats, but let’s not pretend they didn’t create this category just to give Taylor Swift an award.
Prediction: Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour

Lena: Barbie

TV

Best Drama Series

Travis: I’m not even going to bother writing much about this one. While it’s possible something like The Last of Us wins just so the Globes can be edgy, come on. This is going to be Succession’s night. And why should Best Drama Series be any different?
Prediction: Succession

Lena: Succession

Best Musical Or Comedy Series

Travis: The Globes love to be first, and they have a rare chance to beat the Emmys to the punch by giving The Bear its gold. With Abbott out of the conversation for 8 months, Jury Duty being too niche for the win, and the rest not really factoring, expect the year’s second best show to clean up.
Prediction: The Bear

Lena: I am a true Chicagoan.
Prediction: The Bear

Best Actor In A Drama Series

Travis: This might be the easiest category to overthink. While a desire to be first on Pedro Pascal, this one’s likely to just be a toss-up between the three Succession men. Well, two – RIP Logan Roy, you ridiculous b*stard. So your choices are Culkin and Strong. And since no one’s awarded Culkin yet for his remarkable work, this seems like the perfect time.
Prediction: Kieran Culkin – Succession

Lena: Brian Cox – Succession (Ed. note: never have I been happier for Lena to ignore my TV recommendations…)

Best Actress In A Drama Series

Travis: Two Globes for Emma Stone at one ceremony would be truly incredible. And it could certainly happen. The Globes’ love for Keri Russell could mean Netflix could easily buy…I mean, earn her a Globe win. But the most likely scenario is that Sarah Snook’s incredible performance will be swept up in the Succession love fest.
Prediction: Sarah Snook – Succession

Lena: Emma Stone – The Curse

Best Actor In A Musical Or Comedy Series

Travis: I’m not going to waste too much ink here. It’s Jeremy Allen White. Mark it in pen.
Prediction: Jeremy Allen White – The Bear

Lena: Jeremy Allen White – The Bear

Best Actress In A Musical Or Comedy Series

Travis: This might be the hardest category amongst the television contenders. There’s Rachel Brosnahan for Maisel’s final year, last year’s winner Quinta Brunson, and Natasha Lyonne for the incredible Poker Face. But I have learned a hard lesson in the past when it comes to the Golden Globes: they love an ingenúe, and they love to be first. Ayo Edebiri is an It Girl now, and The Bear is the year’s most talked-about show. This is Ayo’s to lose, and hopefully she delivers the entire speech in her authentic Irish brogue.
Prediction: Ayo Edebiri – The Bear

Lena: So sorry to my beloved Maisel, but Chicago pride.
Prediction: Ayo Edebiri – The Bear

Best Actor In A Limited Series/TV Movie

Travis: Another overthinker category. While a big name like Jon Hamm could sneak in here, or a newer performance like Matt Bomer for Fellow Travelers. But when there’s no clear threat to the frontrunner, stick with the frontrunner. Expect Steven Yeun to take this one.
Prediction: Steven Yeun – Beef

Lena: Steven Yeun – Beef

Best Actress In A Limited Series/TV Movie

Travis: It’s “best” vs. “new,” with Ali Wong’s widely acclaimed work on Beef going up against Brie Larson in Lessons in Chemistry. I’m sticking with the all-year frontrunner Wong.
Prediction: Ali Wong – Beef

Lena: Ali Wong – Beef

Best Supporting Actor In A Series

Travis: This category is sort of a three-way race – everything else is camouflage. There’s Ebon-Moss Bachman, who truly shined this season as hothead Richie. There’s Matthew Macfadyen as weasel Tom Wambsgans, king of failing upwards. And then there’s James Marsden as James Marsden, the year’s most subversive performance. A part of me wonders if Marsden can pull off the win – if anyone’s going to reward that work, it’s the Globes. But just like the show (spoilers), expect Matthew Macfadyen to come out on top.
Prediction: Matthew Macfadyen – Succession

Lena: Matthew Macfadyen – Succession

Best Supporting Actress In A Series

Travis: Kind of a weak field overall, this really could be anyone’s field. And when it can be anyone’s field, the Globes love to reward their favorites. Expect Meryl Streep to win her 10,000th Globe.
Prediction: Meryl Streep – Only Murders In The Building

Lena: Meryl Streep – Only Murders In The Building

Best Limited Series/TV Movie

Travis: This one’s a little more challenging. Beef has a massive edge, but as always, the Globes’ preference for “newness” and “first” means Fellow Travelers and Lessons in Chemistry threaten to shake things up. However, this is my year of “better safe than sorry,” so I’m not overthinking things. Look for Beef to be this year’s champion.
Prediction: Beef

Lena: Beef

Best Performance In Stand-Up Comedy On Television

Travis: Jesus, what a pathetic field filled with pathetic nominees. Not a single one of these specials made anything close to a cultural impact – well, that’s not true, people talked about Chris Rock, and Wanda Sykes’ was generally well received. But these are otherwise just aging comedians ranting about their specials not getting views because of kids these days. I guess I’ll predict Gervais since the Globes have a hard-on for him, but good God is this going to be the show’s bathroom break moment.
Prediction: Ricky Gervais – Armageddon

Lena: Trevor Noah – Trevor Noah: Where Was I?

Well, that wraps this year’s Beat the Guru Golden Globes Predictions! Both Lena and I hope you tune in later tonight to find out who wins both the Globes and, more importantly, which of us is the smarter Guru. The 81st Golden Globe Awards will begin tonight at 8:00 pm on CBS and Paramount Plus, and you can follow along right here at The Sacred Wall for live updates. See you then!

Film

Best Drama Film

  • Anatomy of a Fall
  • Killers of the Flower Moon L
  • Maestro
  • Oppenheimer T
  • Past Lives
  • The Zone of Interest

Best Musical or Comedy Film

  • Air
  • American Fiction
  • Barbie T L
  • The Holdovers
  • May December
  • Poor Things

Best Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama

  • Bradley Cooper – Maestro T L
  • Leonardo DiCaprio – Killers of the Flower Moon
  • Colman Domingo – Rustin
  • Barry Keoghan – Saltburn
  • Cillian Murphy – Oppenheimer
  • Andrew Scott – All of Us Strangers

Best Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama

  • Annette Bening – Nyad
  • Lily Gladstone – Killers of the Flower Moon T
  • Sandra Hüller – Anatomy of a Fall
  • Greta Lee – Past Lives
  • Carey Mulligan – Maestro L
  • Cailee Spaeny – Priscilla

Best Actor in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy

  • Nicolas Cage – Dream Scenario
  • Timothée Chalamet – Wonka
  • Matt Damon – Air
  • Paul Giamatti – The Holdovers T
  • Joaquin Phoenix – Beau Is Afraid
  • Jeffrey Wright – American Fiction L

Best Actress in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy

  • Fantasia Barrino – The Color Purple
  • Jennifer Lawrence – No Hard Feelings
  • Natalie Portman – May December
  • Alma Pöysti – Fallen Leaves
  • Margot Robbie – Barbie
  • Emma Stone – Poor Things T L

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture

  • Willem Dafoe – Poor Things
  • Robert De Niro – Killers of the Flower moon
  • Robert Downey Jr. – Oppenheimer
  • Ryan Gosling – Barbie T L
  • Charles Melton – May December
  • Mark Ruffalo – Poor Things

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture

  • Emily Blunt – Oppenheimer
  • Danielle Brooks – The Color Purple
  • Jodie Foster – Nyad
  • Julianne Moore – May December
  • Rosamund Pike – Saltburn
  • Da’Vine Joy Randolph – The Holdovers T L

Best Director

  • Bradley Cooper – Maestro
  • Greta Gerwig – Barbie L
  • Yorgos Lanthimos – Oppenheimer
  • Christopher Nolan – Oppenheimer T
  • Martin Scorsese – Killers of the Flower Moon
  • Celine Song – Past Lives

Best Screenplay

  • Anatomy of a Fall
  • Barbie
  • Killers of the Flower Moon
  • Past Lives L
  • Poor Things T
  • Oppenheimer

Best Original Score

  • The Boy and the Heron
  • Killers of the Flower Moon
  • Oppenheimer T L
  • Poor Things
  • Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
  • The Zone of Interest

Best Original Song

  • “Addicted to Romance” – She Came to Me
  • “Dance The Night” – Barbie
  • “I’m Just Ken” – Barbie L
  • “Peaches” – The Super Mario Bros. Movie
  • “Road to Freedom” – Rustin
  • “What Was I Made For?” – Barbie T

Best Animated Film

  • The Boy and the Heron T
  • Elemental
  • Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse L
  • The Super Mario Bros. Movie
  • Suzume
  • Wish

Best Non-English Language Film

  • Anatomy of a Fall T L
  • Fallen Leaves
  • Io capitano
  • Past Lives
  • Society of the Snow
  • The Zone of Interest

Best Cinematic and Box Office Achievement

  • Barbie L
  • Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
  • John Wick: Chapter 4
  • Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning
  • Oppenheimer
  • Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
  • The Super Mario Bros. Movie
  • Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour T

Television

Best Drama Series

  • 1923
  • The Crown
  • The Diplomat
  • The Last of Us
  • The Morning Show
  • Succession T L

Best Musical or Comedy Series

  • Abbott Elementary
  • Barry
  • The Bear T L
  • Jury Duty
  • Only Murders in the Building
  • Ted Lasso

Best Actor in a Drama Series

  • Brian Cox – Succession L
  • Kieran Culkin – Succession T
  • Gary Oldman – Slow Horses
  • Pedro Pascal – The Last of Us
  • Jeremy Strong – Succession
  • Dominic West – The Crown

Best Actress in a Drama Series

  • Helen Mirren – 1923
  • Bella Ramsey – The Last of Us
  • Keri Russell – The Diplomat
  • Sarah Snook – Succession T
  • Imelda Staunton – The Crown
  • Emma Stone – The Curse L

Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy Series

  • Bill Hader – Barry
  • Steve Martin – Only Murders in the Building
  • Jason Segel – Shrinking
  • Martin Short – Only Murders in the Building
  • Jason Sudeikis – Ted Lasso
  • Jeremy Allen White – The Bear T L

Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy Series

  • Rachel Brosnahan – The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
  • Quinta Brunson – Abbott Elementary
  • Ayo Edebiri – The Bear T L
  • Elle Fanning – The Great
  • Selena Gomez – Only Murders in the Building
  • Natasha Lyonne – Poker Face

Best Actor in a Limited Series or TV Movie

  • Matt Bomer – Fellow Travelers
  • Sam Clafin – Daisy Jones & The Six
  • Jon Hamm – Fargo
  • Woody Harrelson – White House Plumbers
  • David Oyelowo – Lawman: Bass Reeves
  • Steven Yeun – Beef T L

Best Actress in a Limited Series or TV Movie

  • Riley Keough – Daisy Jones & The Six
  • Brie Larson – Lessons in Chemistry
  • Elizabeth Olsen – Love & Death
  • Juno Temple – Fargo
  • Rachel Weisz – Dead Ringers
  • Ali Wong – Beef T L

Best Supporting Actor in a Television Series

  • Billy Crudup – The Morning Show
  • Matthew Macfadyen – Succession T L
  • James Marsden – Jury Duty
  • Ebon Moss-Bachrach – The Bear
  • Alan Ruck – Succession
  • Alexander Skarsgård – Succession

Best Supporting Actress in a Television Series

  • Elizabeth Debicki – The Crown
  • Abby Elliott – The Bear
  • Christina Ricci – Yellowjackets
  • J. Smith-Cameron – Succession
  • Meryl Streep – Only Murders in the Building T L
  • Hannah Waddingham – Ted Lasso

Best Limited Series, Anthology Series, or TV Movie

  • All the Light We Cannot See
  • Beef T L
  • Daisy Jones & The Six
  • Fargo
  • Fellow Travelers
  • Lessons in Chemistry

Best Performance in a Stand-Up Comedy on Television

  • Ricky Gervais – Ricky Gervais: Armageddon T
  • Trevor Noah – Trevor Noah: Where Was I L
  • Chris Rock – Chris Rock: Selective Outrage
  • Amy Schumer – Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact
  • Sarah Silverman – Sarah Silverman: Someone You Love
  • Wanda Sykes – Wanda Sykes: I’m an Entertainer

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