Break out your whips and ball gags, the trailer for the Fifty Shades of Grey sequel is here!
Fifty Shades Darker will continue to follow the “relationship” between Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) and Christian Grey (GET IT?!?!?!?) (also he is played by Jamie Dornan). No plot description is given, probably because these movies and books have no plot.
I have such mixed feelings about these movies-and by mixed feelings, I mean somewhere in between ironic mockery and outright insult. Everything that could go wrong with these films has, and I don’t see it improving. The first movie somehow made eroticism boring by focusing on two hours of contract negotiations with about ten minutes of vanilla sex thrown in to make it seem “erotic.” Then there’s the fact that these two leads supposedly hate each other and barely want to continue making these movies (Johnson especially-she actually has a future ahead of her). And if all that wasn’t enough, E.L. James, the “author” of these Twilight porn adaptations, has demanded that the director and screenwriter of the first one (who both tried their hardest to make her sh*t look good) be fired, and that she be allowed to write and direct. When the studio turned her down due to the fact she has no f*cking clue what she’s doing (and basically stole the entire book series from other internet writers), she forced them to hire her husband. And I haven’t even touched on the fact that this isn’t BDSM, it’s rapey and stalker-ish.
That being said, the first movie made a ton of money, and the soundtrack was pretty good (and Oscar-nominated, sigh), so the sequel was inevitable. And they’re doing their best to remind you of these facts by using yet another slowed down Crazy in Love. The newest “film” will be released February 10, 2017. Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, oh no no.