Ranking Every ‘Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’ Original Song #96-65: A “Wednesday” Listicle

Editor’s Note: This list was originally printed as one massive article comparing every Crazy Ex-Girlfriend song, designed to run alongside the series finale. As it turned out, in its massive 250,000 word form, the article overwhelmed the servers and was rendered unreadable. So I have decided to break the article up into four individual parts, as well as an overall list that will compare the 128 without videos or write-ups. You can find that list, as well as links to each article, at the bottom of every post, as well as under the Sacred Wall GOATs tab at the top of the page, because that’s what this show is: the Greatest Of All Time.

Tonight, one of the greatest shows of the 21st century comes to an end. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Rachel Bloom and Aline Brosh McKenna’s surreal, comedic look at gender dynamics, romantic comedy tropes, musical comedies, and mental illness, has been one of the most joyful creative endeavors I’ve ever seen, and one with the most challenging premise. Following Bloom’s Rebecca Bunch as she upends her cushy-but-mentally-unhealthy New York law career in order to move across the country to be near her high school boyfriend that she hasn’t seen in ten years, the show plays with tropes in both classical theater and modern romantic comedies, as well as music – did I mention that Rebecca’s undiagnosed borderline personality disorder convinces her that major moments in her life are, in fact, extravagant Broadway musical numbers? Yes, over the course of four seasons and soon to be 61 episodes, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend has written exactly 128 original songs – and that’s not including reprises and bit-time one-offs. Each song, written by a team of Bloom, her longtime writing partner Jack Dolgen, and “That Thing You Do!” and “Stacy’s Mom” writer Adam Schlesinger, is a masterful, hilarious takedown of a specific genre, explores some sort of universal notion or story trope, be it an ode to motherhood to the intricacies of dating. So in honor of this Friday’s series finale, I thought I’d undertake the weighty task of Ranking Every Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Original Song!

In order to actually complete this task, I’m going to have to set up some ground rules. First, there’s no such thing as a “bad” Crazy Ex-Girlfriend song. Every song produced by this show is somewhere on the sliding scale of “good,” and therefore each song’s placement is simply a matter of meeting my predetermined criteria. And what is this criteria? Well, each song has to answer a specific question pertaining to different musical techniques: prowess (does the song stand on its own outside of the show?), performance (how committed is the actor singing the song?), comedy (how smart is the spoof of the artist/genre/song?), lyrical complexity (how satirical/smart/silly is the song?), and context (how well does the song fit into the episode/arc?). The songs also get bonus points for how well the music video is produced and how poignant is the song’s resonance. And finally, just a few housekeeping rules, to help things move along more smoothly. First, all reprises are ineligible. I don’t care how funny it is when Trent sings “I’m Just A Boy In Love” or how good “Settle For Me” is, each song can and will only be counted once, with one exception: if the song actually changes and evolves from its predecessor (see: “Who’s The New Guy?” and “He’s The New Guy”), it will be allowed to stand on its own. Next, any episode that features the same song performed over a period of time as a vignette, the song will only count as one. This means “Santa Ana Winds” will only count as one song, despite being several miniature bits performed by Eric Michael Roy. And finally, no theme song is eligible for the list. Instead, I will be ranking the four variations of the theme song…right now!

  1. “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” (Season One)
  2. “Meet Rebecca” (Season Four)
  3. “I’m Just A Girl In Love” (Season Two)
  4. “You Do/Don’t Wanna Be Crazy” (Season Three)

Well, now that that’s all settled, it’s time to finally get to the rankings. Who knows what’s going to happen? Which season has the best songs? How many times will Donna Lynne Champlin make the Top Ten? And will my unhealthy love for Santino Fontan, Skylar Astin, and Greg Serrano as a character cloud my judgment to an unhealthy level? I think it’s time we find out.

96. “Apple Man”

Dubbed “the dumbest song I’ve ever written” by Jack Dolgen, “Apple Man” is a hilarious tribute to those side character musical numbers found in classic Rodgers and Hammerstein, Gilbert and Sullivan, and Cole Porter musicals, “Apple Man” is performed by Michael McMillan’s dim-witted Tim with proper side-character aplomb. Introducing himself as “Not Important,” Tim earnestly sings a dumb song about how great apples are. The funniest thing about the song is how whole-heartedly it embraces its own premise, bashing other fruits and praising the red fruit. McMillan’s energy makes the song one of the funnier, and better, songs from the episode.

 

95. “My Friend’s Dad”

“My Friend’s Dad” is a smart song, if a little obvious and hilariously dark. Tackling the notion of children always idolizing other parents while despising their own, “My Friend’s Dad” features Rebecca performing a Shirley Temple-esque duet with Paula’s father Bob (Eddie Pepitone). Her willful ignorance of Bob’s flaws increases throughout the optimistic, uplifting song (her delayed response to his note that she “barely complains for a Jewish” is met with “Have some more booze!” which is so humorously dark), until the creepily funny payoff on Bob’s part of, “When she’s not around, I think about her naked.” Not the longest or deepest song in the world, but certainly worthy for its lyrical humor.

 

94. “I’m the Bride of the Pirate King”

“I’m the Bride of the Pirate King” is a straight-up parody of The Pirates of Penzance, although not in the way you’d think. Instead of tackling a patter song or a specific Gilbert & Sullivan genre, the Crazy Ex writers instead parody the underlying sexist tendencies of the work, in hilarious form. The song is a horrifically dated ode to a pirate king who has kidnapped a fair maiden for his own devilish purposes – once deemed an innocent notion, as seen in the Disney Land ride “Pirates of the Caribbean,” “Bride” does away with all romanticism. It is a “loving” ode to constant rape, abuse, and terror, as noted by Beth’s observation, “Man, that pirate sounds like a dick.” Bonus points for not only being sung by Valencia, but for the way Gabrielle Ruiz vamps towards the audience, completely oblivious of proper stage presence. God, I’m going to miss this character.

 

93. “Gratuitous Karaoke Moment”

“Gratuitous Karaoke Moment” is, as a song, not overwhelmingly impressive. As a sequence, though? Holy sh*t. In a heavily detailed satire of romantic comedies, “Gratuitous Karaoke Moment” comments on rom-com tropes, from the attempt to win back the ex to the new relationship forming (even though in-universe it is just a stand-in for Rebecca in Nathaniel’s eyes) to the awkward public displays of love. The way Foster and Esther Povitsky go from “poor” singing to gradually improve in quality, and fully throw themselves into the chemistry and absurdity of the sequence is truly remarkable, and perhaps even better, the entire sequence plays as a direct spoof of Aline Brosh McKenna’s oft-maligned 27 Dresses (“In ten years this scene doesn’t hold up”). I can’t, in good conscience, give the song a higher spot, but I’ll be damned if this isn’t one of the more impressive videos from the run of the show.

 

92. “Women Gotta Stick Together”

One of my favorite moments from the show was when Gabrielle Ruiz’s Valencia evolved from a villain to a hero. It was a watershed moment for a show that takes narrative risks and truly likes all of its characters. But there’s just something wonderful about the way Ruiz played a villain. She really reveled in the season one folk parody “Women Gotta Stick Together,” a faux-female empowerment song that tackles the way some women co-opt feminist messages to tear each other down. Ruiz strutting down the street insulting people is a real treat, from the casually insulting (“This girl banged her best friend’s boyfriend in a half-price sushi place.” “What?!?” “Oh, you didn’t know?”) to the humorously blunt (“Women gotta stick together/all across this land/Except Denise Martinez/That bitch I cannot stand”). Like I said, nice Valencia is better, but I could watch Ruiz strut with that guitar ruining people’s days once a day for the rest of my life.

 

91. “California Christmastime”

“California Christmastime” is the only Christmas song from the show (presumably – and appropriately – because this is a primarily Jewish show), and while it’s jokes are pretty specific and basic, there’s still quite a few gems here. From comments on the “high rate of skin cancer” to a high Santa to how most children get expensive gifts because “daddy makes big bucks directing porn,” the song is the perfect tribute to Christmas on the West Coast, where it never snows, people are unsure of themselves, and the traditions are radically different from, say, the East Coast or Midwest. I also believe it is Heather’s (Vella Lovell) first song, which deserves extra props. It’s not quite the best group number on the show, but it is first group number. And I respect the hell out of it for that reason.

 

90. “He’s The New Guy”

We come now to reprise number three on this list, “He’s the New Guy.” A follow-up to the meta “Who’s the New Guy?” (see #65), “He’s The New Guy” makes the list for two reasons. The first is the way Rebecca turns the song around as a critique of Nathaniel, as opposed to a group number where the group questions the new arrival and his intentions. The second, and quite frankly only, reason I’m including this song, is because I cannot stress how much I love when Rebecca realizes she’s screwed up and can’t come up with a valid reason for saying “Singing this reprise,” so she replies, “Whatever, just don’t think about it.” It is one of the funniest jokes on the show. So while I can’t justify giving it a higher spot on the list, I can at least justify giving it a spot. And if you disagree? Whatever, just don’t think about.

 

89. “Flooded With Justice”

There is a very big Les Mis-shaped spot in my heart for “Flooded With Justice.” A send-up to “Do You Hear The People Sing?,” members of Whitefeather & Associates march on the courthouse with the apartment complex they represent as part of an effort to sue Greater City Waters. While the jokes are pretty basic – mostly about rich L.A. folks stealing water (like B.J. Novak, who humorously cameos in the piece) and wanting to go to the very-real water park Raging Waters – the genre parody is so sharp, it’s hard to ignore. Sadly, it just lacks the “oomph” that other songs have had, falling by the wayside to more memorable, more topical songs (as well as an even-better Les Mis spoof in Season Three). Still, it’s not one to miss, if only due to the attention to detail.

 

88. “A Boy Band Made Up Of Four Joshes”

While not my favorite of his songs (although there are some great jokes), “Boy Band” may be one of Vincent Rodriguez’s best performances on the show. A send-up to the Backstreet Boys and N*SYNC, “Boy Band” features Rebecca’s love of boy bands coming to life in a band of four Joshes, knowing exactly how to solve her mental illnesses (because “they’re not just a boy band made up of four Joshes, they’re also a team of licensed mental health professionals”) and give her advice on how to fix her issues. The jokes are a bit on-the-nose (yet consistently hilarious), but it is an excellent parody nonetheless. Bonus points for the attention to detail in giving each Josh a distinctive trait and Vincent performing all four parts of the routine.

 

87. “I Give Good Parent”

The second Nicki Minaj spoof on this list, “I Give Good Parent” is the second holiday song the show has done (although not necessarily centered around Thanksgiving). As Rebecca talks about how she’s every parent’s dream, she embraces Minaj’s stage persona-ego in a spirited rap. Some of the rapid-fire jokes include “Got your current chick looking like Greg Focker,” “Like my p*ssy, you two have wonderful taste” (in the explicit version), “I agree that Neil Diamond is real music,” and “Wait, my uncle is in radiology!” The song isn’t the best rap that they’ve ever done, nor is it the best from Season One, but the costumes, spirited performance, and detailed nature of the jokes makes this a good one nonetheless.

 

86. “Time To Seize The Day”

“Time To Seize The Day” is a pretty one-note joke: it’s just a list of ways that Rebecca wants to put off going outside after realizing that her traumatic last few months have become a major talking point around town. The list of activities slowly grows more and more drastic, from “Sit on the floor and rock yourself until you feel ok” to “I haven’t cleaned my fridge in a while/I wonder if I should just buy a new fridge online?” to “I’m going to sit right here and watch some porn.” While I wish the song had taken a few more risks, it’s a pretty good interpretation of procrastination, and Bloom really handles the patter song format impressively.

 

85. “His Status Is…Preferred”

“His Status Is…Preferred” creates a tough debate for me. On the one hand, it’s general joke about Champlin’s Paula falling in love with the illusion of Calvin Young’s wealth and status is pretty general, and the jokes aren’t quite as sharp as some of the better songs from the show. On the other hand, the jazzy torch song parody is spot-on, and Champlin absolutely nails the hell out of it. I feel giving it the 85th spot on this list is appropriate – it honors the performance and the music, while admits the lyrics could be a bit funnier.

 

84. “Etta Mae’s Lament”

“Etta Mae’s Lament” is the perfect depiction of the moral quagmire theater lovers often find themselves in. On the one hand, classic theater staples like “Adelaide’s Lament,” “I Cain’t Say No,” and all of Seven Brides For Seven Brothers are dramaturgical classics that we love to hum and can’t get out of our heads. On the other hand…they’re so horrible morally. They tell women marriage is their only joy in life, that the only dream they should have is to wait on their husbands hand and foot, they should feel bad for dating more than one man, and are downright creepy. “Etta Mae’s Lament” captures that quagmire perfectly, as Rebecca finds herself singing one of these classics and finding herself off-put by the message. The fact the song literally says “Women belong in the kitchen” is a hilariously dark touch. I unfortunately can’t put any of the songs from “I’m Finding My Bliss” in the upper echelons, but don’t sleep on “Etta Mae” if you are looking for a good piece of commentary.

 

83. “Thought Bubbles”

“Thought Bubbles” is a pretty basic song, but it dives to something deeper in all of us. In it, Rodriguez’s Josh sings about being alone with his thoughts in a rather upbeat Bruno Mars style. As he takes solace in the beauty of the world and the love of his family, he also reflects on all of those bad thoughts that pop up when we’re alone for too long. From “I barely passed lifeguard school/and then that kid almost drowned in that pool” to “I used to like guacamole now I don’t like guacamole/what if I stop liking my mom?” to “What if I go to Hell?” It’s a pretty good depiction of being alone with your thoughts for too long when you are apt to suffer from self-loathing, and while it musically could be a bit sharper (as you can tell, I’m more a fan of the bigger numbers), it’s certainly some of the funniest lyrical work the show has done to date.

 

82. “What’s Your Story?”

For the show’s first Chicago spoof, I was hoping for something of a bigger musical number – perhaps something by the Girl Group? Still, the idea of a song parodying Rebecca’s naiveté surrounding prison life is pretty humorous, as she tries to make the women she’s in prison with perform the “Cell Block Tango,” only to learn that the real world is messy and depressing. Still, there are some little touches that are pretty great, like the white prisoner running away screaming “I’m so sorry” after discovering that she got sentenced to three months while a black woman committing the same crime got three years. And I love the look on Bloom’s face as she chants “Ra-ta-ta-ta” at other people, much to their chagrin. It’s a funny piece, just not the Chicago parody it could have been.

 

81. “I’m Not Sad, You’re Sad”

“I’m Not Sad, You’re Sad” is a solid spoof of the party lifestyle, as Rebecca tries to cut loose to avoid dealing with the creeping return of her mental illness. Her attempts to avoid her pain and sadness include snorting Ibuprofen (which she instantly regrets), arguing with her Uber driver, stopping at a random taco cart, and talking about Lilo and Stitch to everyone who will listen (and also, oddly, 9/11). It’s a pretty good look at the random ways that mental illness can affect your decision making and the things you think about, and it’s a pretty good throwback to both the early music videos on the show, as well as the great music videos that made Rachel famous in the first place. It’s not the greatest song the show has done on depression (trust me, we’ll get to “The Darkness,” “You Stupid Bitch,” and “A Diagnosis” – some sooner than later), but it’s a good one nonetheless.

 

80. “A Diagnosis”

Another song about Rebecca’s mental health struggles, “A Diagnosis” may not be the song we wanted, but it’s the song we needed. A simple, upbeat ditty about how receiving a new diagnosis can give one a new lease on life, it’s possible that fans may have wanted a more memorable, more overpowering song on the subject. However, arriving several minutes into an episode where Rebecca has just survived a suicide attempt, is finally feeling good about herself and her chances, and is finally finding a way to get the help she’s needed for three seasons (as well as her whole life), hearing her look at the list of options and hopefully wish for schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and more (as she argues with the alleged voices in her head that may accommodate these diseases) is both humorous and inspiring. Is it a memorable song? Probably not. But is it a memorable moment? Absolutely.

 

79. “The Cringe”

“The Cringe” should, in theory, not exist. It fits into the show’s universe the least – it’s sung by Patton Oswalt, it’s from a Halloween episode that’s not even on Halloween, and it doesn’t quite fit into the show’s universe. Still, it’s spoof of “The Monster Mash” is spot-on, and it really explores those moments we regret for the rest of our lives really well. From Castleman’s (Oswalt) declaration that he once asked a female friend when she was expecting (when she wasn’t pregnant) to Heather’s reveal that she laughed at an ex’s penis in bed to the zombie cemetery’s regrets (including sleeping with the lead singer of Sugar Ray). The moral, “Nothing is as scary as what lurks in your past,” is pretty relatable and funny, and while the song is not the sharpest, or most memorable, it’s worth noting for those reasons alone. Oh, and Paula, Valencia, and Heather in skeleton costumes performing as an old-school do-wop backup band is a much needed addition.

 

78. “Love Kernels”

“Love Kernels” has suffered from the over-saturation of Beyoncé’s Lemonade in pop culture. Everyone from Saturday Night Live to Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt has tackled it, to varying degrees of success. Still, while “Kernels” isn’t quite the masterpiece of, say, Tituss Burgess walking down the street in the yellow dress singing “Hell No,” it’s still pretty funny, as it dissects the ways women will ignore a man’s inaffection by clinging to the little compliments he may sparingly dole out. The ever-changing sets, from the desert to a movie theater to the mansion, each parody one of Lemonade’s famous setpieces, and lyrically the song manages to work off the imagery smartly. Does it rely on the visual humor a little too much? Sure. And is it a bit more forgettable in nature? Absolutely. But honestly, how can you turn down a song where the writers reveal, honestly, that “This video ate up our production budget,” and jokingly add that “Darryl is now played by a broom on a stand?” You can’t.

 

77. “Stuck In The Bathroom”

Ooh, this R. K*lly send-up has not aged well. Still, Vella Lovell gives her performance everything as she parodies the famous “Trapped In A Closet.” From the talk singing to the storytelling to the general sense of “Is this art or is this pedantic?” sensibilities that made the original so talked about, everything about this parody is lovingly crafted. Even better is the way the music clearly parodies the famous score of the original. This is one of Lovell’s best moments in the course of the show, and she hilariously captures the tones of Champlin, Bloom, and Ruiz as she talk-sings their lines. Is this parody necessary? Probably not. But is this sequence worth it anyway? 100%.

 

76. “Sports Analogies”

“Sports Analogies” is the best version of a certain type of song filling these lower portions: the type where the punchline is a very basic joke about gender stereotypes played out in musical form. Taking the form of a Dean Martin/Frank Sinatra number (complete with black and white and heavy, heavy drinking), the song features total opposites Josh Chan and Nathaniel Plimpton III realizing that they speak a common language that will help them get along: their love of sports. For two minutes, the duo speak in almost exclusively sports terminology (“swing for the fences,” “down for the count,” “Hail Mary” and so on) to emphasize this bond. Of course, it wouldn’t be Crazy Ex-Girlfriend if they didn’t realize halfway through that they do this because of paternal neglect, as it was the only way they could talk about their emotions with their fathers. Great payoff, great design, still a fairly basic premise.

 

75. “Without Love You Can Save The World”

If you gave me a list of musicals I expected Crazy Ex-Girlfriend to parody, Hair probably wouldn’t have been very high on the list. It’s just not the pop culture staple of other parodies, such as Les Mis, Guys and Dolls, and Hamilton (we’ll get to that. Oh, will we get to that). But nonetheless, the show went there for its 100th song, and the twist is actually pretty funny, even if the song is mostly just fine. By taking the musical all about angst and lust and sex and transforming it into an asexual utopia, it actually comments on the human desire to cast off the thing that messes us up most of all, as well as the show its satirizing itself. Kudos to Scott Michael Foster and Donna Lynne Champlin for their incredibly spirited performances.

 

74. “So Maternal!”

My only gripe with “So Maternal!” is that its spoof, “Uptown Funk,” is such a current pop culture reference that it doesn’t have the gravitas of some of the other, smarter pulls. That being said, Rebecca’s hilariously cocky declaration of her gifted abilities as a babysitter is a joy to watch, as Bloom struts down the street in a bright pink jacket, pushing a stroller and breastfeeding a baby. Juxtaposed with real-world Rebecca not knowing how to make a lunch and ruining homework, the song is a hilarious testament to the labor of parenting as well as Rebecca’s own childishness.

 

73. “Having A Few People Over”

We’ve now entered a period I like to call “the songs I desperately wish were higher but just couldn’t justify.” “Having A Few People Over” is a parody of EDM songs like the “Harlem Shake,” and while it’s a stretch to claim it’s performed by Pete Gardner, he’s certainly a reason for its success. Watching Darryl optimistically dance around his apartment as he cleans it and prepares his legendary cheese spread is just a source of pure joy, and while it’s not a memorable-enough song to place higher on this list, it’s still a joy nonetheless.

 

72. “The Darkness”

“The Darkness” is a song that has the emotional impact of, say, “You Stupid Bitch,” but just suffers from “coming second” syndrome. At the end of the day, it’s still a terrifically poignant moment, as Rebecca sings a love song to her own depression. The revelations that The Darkness is the only consistent man in her life, following her through high school and college, are both affecting and relatable for those that suffer from mental illness. And the eventual reveal that she has named The Darkness “Tyler” is both hilarious and oddly accurate (“Yeah, that feels right”).

 

71. “Cold Showers”

One of my favorite moments in all of the show’s history, it was only a matter of time before they parodied The Music Man. Still, I couldn’t have been happier when Rebecca bursts into a full-on “Ya Got Trouble” spoof midway through Season One. The show satirizes both Rebecca’s abilities as a lawyer, her natural sense of hyperbole (she imagines musical numbers, after all), and “Ya Got Trouble’s” grifter sensibilities, naturally allowing Rebecca to elevate the threat of cold showers into the inevitability that it will lead to cocaine and teenage pregnancy (“That shower felt great! Maybe I’ll try cocaine!”) Does it have the emotional or comedic impact of, say, “This Is My Movement” or “Maybe This Dream?” No. But is it a worthwhile spoof that fits in-universe? Absolutely.

 

70. “Horny Angry Tango”

“Horny Angry Tango” is a fairly visual sequence, and yet it’s still one of the most appealing overall. It’s the perfect example of a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend genre pastiche: it uses the music to perfectly comment on the awkwardness of love and sex. Here, Bloom and Foster sing and dance a tango about the emotional and sexual confusion that exists in the aftermath of a break-up. It is musically and performatively well-constructed, especially a moment where they, quite literally, horizontal tango, and the interlude halfway through about the unfortunate, but perhaps necessary, double-standard about women slapping men is laugh-out-loud funny. Well worth the watch, but just not memorable enough to break higher on the list.

 

69. “I Have Friends”

“I Have Friends” would absolutely make my list of favorite Crazy Ex-Girlfriend songs, had that been what this list was about. The duet between Rebecca and Young Rebecca, set to a 90s-era theme song, is a hilarious piece of elevation. From the matching fake pieces of pizza thrown at the duo to their desperate efforts to scrape up friends for a party they’re throwing, each guest grows odder and odder, to hilarious effect. From “Jason And I’m Super Into Dance Dance Revolution” to “Janitor Who Lives In An RV Behind The School” to recurring character (and fan favorite) “GROCERY CLERK WITH HALF-AN-EYELID!,” each attendee at Rebecca’s parties is a pure joy. Too short to rank higher, but too great to place lower, “I Have Friends” comes in at a cool #69.

 

68. “Put Yourself First”

“Put Yourself First” suffers only because the show eventually makes the incredible decision to bring the four female leads together into a girl group of their own. Otherwise, the Fifth Harmony parody sung by girls attending the camp Rebecca’s working at is spot-on in satire and musicality. The song parodies the idea of women trying to use the male gaze for female empowerment, and if that idea ever works. The song features such brilliant lines as “Make yourself sexy just for yourself/So when dudes see you, they’ll be like ‘Damn, you’re hot, wanna make out?’” and “Wear fake eyelids just for yourself/So when dudes see you, they’ll be like ‘Damn, you’re hot, let’s buy a house in Portland!’” the song peaks when Rebecca questions their logic (“Wouldn’t I just be putting myself second?”), they reply, “Don’t think about it too hard!” As I said, great song, just done better in later seasons.

 

67. “Rebecca’s Reprise”

“Rebecca’s Reprise” is the final reprise on this list, and it works because it is simply a medley of emotional songs from the show’s history, from “You Stupid Bitch” to “I’m The Villain In My Own Story” to “We’ll Never Have Problems Again.” What’s most interesting about “Rebecca’s Reprise” is how oddly…earnest it is. These are some of the funniest songs in the show’s history, and yet Bloom sings it without a note of irony. This is an emotionally rich moment for Rebecca, and the show doesn’t undercut it with humor, no matter what callback she’s performing. It doesn’t make the song as memorable as any of its parodies, but it does make for a heartwarming moment for both the character and the show.

 

66. “Where’s Rebecca Bunch?”

The funny thing about “Where’s Rebecca Bunch?” is that it feels like something Bloom has been working on for a long time. It’s almost like a live-action version of her YouTube video “Historically Accurate Disney Song.” The first song of Season Three, the song catches the audience up to date on the events between the two seasons and questions both where Rebecca is as well as the horrific gender positions of the 13th century. The nice thing about the sequence (other than the impressive set design) is it allowed the full ensemble to have their moment in the sun, including fan favorites Maya (Esther Povitsky), Tim, and Jim to finally have a solo. Has it been done better? Sure. But I still love the scope and style of this thing.

 

65. “Who’s The New Guy?”

We’re at the halfway point, ladies and gentlemen. And I can think of no better transition from the “good, not great” songs to the “better, best” songs than “Who’s The New Guy?” The humor of “Who’s The New Guy?” is both the way it parodies side characters (as someone who played the King in Once Upon A Mattress, this song speaks to me) AND continuously breaks the fourth wall. As the staff of Whitefeather & Associates questions the arrival of Nathaniel as a character, they speak directly to the audience by making a series of observations that the audience may be asking while simultaneously explaining the terminology away with in-universe excuses. From “Do we need a new guy this far into the season? And by far into the season, I mean it’s almost Fall” to “Is this some desperate move to try and help our ratings? You mean our terrible ratings on legalscores.com?” the song continuously walks the line of winking at the audience and slapping them in the face, to hilarious effect each time.

You can see the full list by clicking on this link right here, or you can read each individual part by clicking on one of the links below:

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